What I didn’t know about grieving a husband until Matthew died:
-Each day is difficult, not just certain days.
-Time passing doesn’t make it easier the first year.
-The week or two in advance of the year mark is difficult, like you’re getting ready to relive the death again.
-Grief makes me feel ill like the flu, but I don’t have the flu: headaches, muscle soreness, nausea. (Please no dietary or lifestyle recommendations; I’m doing my best in that regard.)
-Many of the things that were go-to comforts in times of regular depression and anxiety don’t work.
-The loneliness is so bad that even friends and family supporting me still feels lonely.
-The loneliness is so bad that the lights inside houses at night make me think everyone else has a warm, lovely home with all their loved ones surround them, and I’m the only one in the world who doesn’t have that.
-Doing all the things to take care of yourself still doesn’t magically fix the grief.
-I can still function at school and may seem just fine on the outside.
Every wife who has a great man and loves him, I believe, has worries about what she will do if he ever dies. I said to Matthew more than once that if he ever died before me, I would never survive it.
After making one more post on the year anniversary of his death, I’m going to pause these posts and get off Facebook for awhile. I’ll still use messenger, but a break from social media is a good thing from time to time.
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