-It affects a person’s body AND mind dramatically. A grieving person may seem fine on the outside, but the body and mind will never be the same. It takes a really long time to recover.
-It’s helpful to have cheerleaders and helpers. It still feels awkward for me—and I think many other grievers—to have to need help.
-Putting a timeline or expectations on a grieving person regarding when they should act happy again is not helpful.
-Giving advice about how to grieve to someone whose spouse has died when you have not experienced the death of your spouse is not helpful.
-Humans like to relate to each other about emotional issues. I always appreciate it when people qualify with “I know my situation is different than yours…”. Comparisons regarding divorce or death of other loved ones besides a spouse are hard to take without that qualification.
-Intellectualizing and talking about what books say about grief is not actually helpful either since grief is a heart, not a head issue. Worse is to talk about what you’ve read in books about grief when you haven’t experienced the death of a spouse.
-Often, gifts and cards—though I do appreciate the thought and care so much—are a reminder that he is dead. It’s a terrible, reverse-wedding present type of feeling. More items are hard to receive also when sorting through a loved one’s belongings and deciding what to keep and save of one’s own and his. I think my feelings might be different than other grieving widows on this one, though. I think it’s because I got married only 5 years ago and recently had to move.
-It’s normal for a person who has lost their spouse to lose interest in pretty much everything. It’s a game of faking it/ playing the game of life now. Hard to hear, I know, but part of me did die. Matthew was the love of my life.
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